Surprises??

[amendoza]

Hi Everyone, so here's a question for you-When surprised in a good way such as a special occasion, what would you prefer others to do for you? Please list your types, as it would be interesting to see what everyone likes..

[Banter]

Nobody? Hmmm ...


Okee dokee. I want you to wash my car! I want you to do my laundry! I want you to give me your credit card!

Seriously, aside from VERY VERY rare exceptions, I do not want (or expect) others to do something for me for several reasons. Amongst others, it only places the ball in my court; at least I feel like it places the ball in my court.

[amendoza]

Ok, Banter so do you not want others to do anything for you because you don't want to be expected to do something for them or because you just don't like it when others do things for you? What if doing something for you makes that other person happy and they do it without expecting you to do anything for them, what if they just like seeing you happy because of what they have done, and that alone is enough for them?? Ohh and sorry no credit card for you, lol..

[Banter]

Ok, Banter so do you not want others to do anything for you because you don't want to be expected to do something for them or because you just don't like it when others do things for you?

Yep. Thing is, some day people will say "I did this for you ...", or worse "you wanted me to do that for you so now you have to …" because all of a sudden they twist everything and view it that way. Arrrrrgh! Basically, such a situation is an invitation for others to try to take advantage of it.

What if doing something for you makes that other person happy and they do it without expecting you to do anything for them, what if they just like seeing you happy because of what they have done, and that alone is enough for them??

Erm ... *shakes head/puzzled* ... I wonder why the hell would make that the other person happy.

Ohh and sorry no credit card for you, lol..

BIG mistake! BIG mistake! amendoza, I can tell you missed the opportunity of your life!!

[amendoza]

So your response is so funny, lol because I actually have a friend who thinks just like you. Except the difference being that my friend just won't tell anyone when their birthday is because they don't want anybody to get them anything for their birthday because then they think that they will have to remember that other person's bday as well, and if they don't then they will feel bad. The funny thing is that I do stuff for others because I honestly want to see them happy and I never expect anything in response, but in a sense you are right because I have met others who would expect something back. Like for example I have my my little God daughter, and I never forget her birthday, xmas, vday you name it-I only have her though so it makes it a bit easy-but what I get back as a payback for all of these is her unconditional love and the way I can tell she is so happy and she feels so special-which of course she is and will always be. I don't expect anything because she's tiny, but the way she looks at me and hugs me is all worth it.

[Banter]

So your response is so funny, lol because I actually have a friend who thinks just like you. Except the difference being that my friend just won't tell anyone when their birthday is because they don't want anybody to get them anything for their birthday because then they think that they will have to remember that other person's bday as well, and if they don't then they will feel bad.

Sounds familiar *chuckles* ... yeah, this situation places the ball in your court as well, at least it feels like that - compulsion to NOT forget that other person's birthday AND compulsion to get something. If you dare to forget, you're doomed! Yep, I guess I perfectly understand your friend! lol

The funny thing is that I do stuff for others because I honestly want to see them happy and I never expect anything in response, but in a sense you are right because I have met others who would expect something back. Like for example I have my my little God daughter, and I never forget her birthday, xmas, vday you name it-I only have her though so it makes it a bit easy-but what I get back as a payback for all of these is her unconditional love and the way I can tell she is so happy and she feels so special-which of course she is and will always be. I don't expect anything because she's tiny, but the way she looks at me and hugs me is all worth it.

Kiddies do not count! Seriously, seems to be a lucky fellow ... your little God daughter!

[Banter]

So your response is so funny, lol because I actually have a friend who thinks just like you. Except the difference being that my friend just won't tell anyone when their birthday is because they don't want anybody to get them anything for their birthday because then they think that they will have to remember that other person's bday as well, and if they don't then they will feel bad.

Sounds familiar *chuckles* ... yeah, this situation places the ball in your court as well, at least it feels like that - compulsion to NOT forget that other person's birthday AND compulsion to get something. If you dare to forget, you're doomed! Yep, I guess I perfectly understand your friend! lol

Just one thing to add (for clarification, so to speak), it's not really a problem when people who are close to me (real friends or people I know for a long time) know when my birthday is but I certainly do not see the need to tell anyone I meet and/or asks me. Nonetheless, I do not want them to get me anything for my birthday. We can meet each other and/or party but please without the compulsion to get something and without the compulsion to NOT forget the other people's birthday. If it's okay to say "Oh, yeah ... you had birthday the other day. Happy belated birthday" when I remember few days later ...
Can't guarantee that this is really what I think but I do not think about those things . So take it with a pinch of salt .