Want to convert to dualism

[robrevans]

I'm an ILE. Socionics has taught me that I've been romantically intolerant towards SEI's because they come across as intellectually vapid and often rather hedonistic. Other challenges include that I strongly admire many rationals for their order, structure, determination, and sense of commitment. Now you're wondering if I'm sure I'm an ILE. No other type description fits me better. Somehow I've ended up being an ILE who wishes he were an LII (sensing subtype, and more extroverted if possible) and wants to marry an ESE (one that has learned to be less bossy).

I think the cure for my particular disorder is to find an SEI that can help me see them differently. There must be a modest SEI out there who holds ideals that are more typically associated with rationals, but I'm sure they pick up quickly on the fact that, on the inside, I judge them as pleasant-but-unintelligent company.

One of my coworkers is an SEI male. I met him relatively recently--after I learned that I need to associate more with people who might seem empty-headed. We're friendly enough, and mostly comfortable with each other. Although we've had nice discussions about religion and spirituality, there are some cultural differences that create some distance. I want to get to know him better, but the feeling doesn't seem to be mutual.


Is anyone aware of others' stories of successful conversion to dualism?

[malyshka]

Well, no, this post is not a reason at all to doubt your ILE-ness. I have guessed before that these are some of the reasons for why ILEs don't seek out SEIs often: not very interesting, doesn't seem smart, too materialistic, a hedonist, slow-poke, doesn't see far beyond her own nose, a pessimist, etc. In several social situations I have observed how ILEs would completely ignore any of the SEIs present in their company and go after that one EII who seemed so much more interesting, quirky, and keen conversation companion in comparison to the SEI, or the IEI who seemed mysterious, intuitive, and had none of the materialistic attitudes. Consequently the ILE would focus talking to the INFx girl and getting to know her, and wouldn't pay much attention to the SEIs present.

In summary, it doesn't seem that many ILEs truly appreciate and value SEIs until the ILE has some relationship experience under his belt, and has lived through the emotional disillusion with some other other types. To a young inexperienced ILE the EII, IEI, and even ILI just seems like such an interesting date and conversation companion on the background of a SEI. On a more rare occasion ILEs will date EIEs and LSEs seeing them as more outgoing and fun, bright and impressive (the LSE especially). In the long run, after 3+ years together, I've found that non-dual relationships have a greater chance of coming apart. The initial euphoria and the excitement and promise of a new relationship wear off in the first couple of years. Most couples will face some difficulties if they keep together for that long. Then they start discovering that they are not that ideal of a match for each other - often either one or another decides to leave and seek another relationship experience.

I also don't think that all socionics duals are great matches for each other. Most duals don't develop much interest in each other, or don't get close due to other barriers (beliefs, culture, age, work). Other typologies come into play, too, like enneagram and instinct stackings, reducing the number of compatible duals. If you like and connect with even 20% of your duals consider yourself lucky, but that makes that compatible dual that much harder to find. Viktor Gulenko has said that it's really going through some challenges together that makes the duals closer, otherwise it's really easy for them to go separate ways. To create that scenario if it's not really happening on its own, he recommends doing activities together like going out camping or hiking with your dual: http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?titl ... _Dialectic

Consequently, I think that "duality believers" are very few. You really have to experience some disappointments in other relationships, which takes years of experience, and get that lucky chance of meeting your compatible dual, to really feel and see how it works. Only a minority of people will get to experience this in their lives.